31 times Halloween pumpkins totally nailed what it’s like to be a parent

Advice & Tips

For some, the pumpkin spice latte is life. For us, the literal pumpkin is life—specifically, the first year of life as a parent.

Have you seen this weird internet trend: Halloween pumpkins giving birth? Apparently it’s a thing. So, obviously we decided to illustrate the joys of parenthood through, well, pumpkins. Welcome to the strangest article ever written.

1. Remember the good old days, when you were just two sexy kids (with no kids)?

happy man wearing a pumpkin hat and underwear

Photo: Instructables

2. Then you pee on a stick and…oh, yeah, it’s on.

3. Once the barfing subsides, you’re ready to share the news with the world.

4. Bonus: Your besties are pregnant, too! #squadgoals

three women with pumpkins painted on their pregnant bellies

Photo: Mark Jordan

5. When you try to get some rest, inside your baby be like:

6. Are those Braxton Hicks or the real thing? Better call the midwife, girl!

7. Remember how you worried about having your hair and make up done for the hospital? Hahaha, that was funny. But you still looked great, promise.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing a blonde wig and giving birth

Photo: Pinterest

8. Thankfully you remembered your chic silk scarf and earrings.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman with zucchini arms and giving birth

Photo: Pinterest

9. And a pedicure.

pumpkin carved as pregnant woman wearing a bathing cap and giving birth

Photo: The 611 Man

10. Oh, that’s for sure broken forever.

Photo: Pinterest

11. Is the F*!@ING baby coming out sideways?!?!

pumpkin woman having a baby

Photo: Easyday

12. Emergency C-section? But what about my birth plan?

13. I can’t believe it—we did it! He’s perfect!

14. Oh sh*t. Now what?

15. How much poop can one baby even have?

pumpkin carved as baby with a full diaper

Photo: Pinterest

16. Aaaaaaand, I have no nipples. Just raw gaping wounds. Cool.

pumpkin carved as breastfeeding mom with surprised face

Photo: Mommyish

17. Let’s try the pump, maybe?

pumpkin wearing a breast pump and a caption that says *pump*kin

Photo: Pinterest

18. I’m so over pumping all the time, and to be honest, I’m not sure it’s any better.

19. I’m so glad we bought the expensive crib to hold all the new adorable outfits that only fit for three days.

cute baby sleeping in a hollowed out pumpkin

Photo: iStockphoto

20. Look at us rocking parenting and meal planning like total pros. Wait, why is her eye twitching?

21. Some days you answer the door looking just like this.

jack o' lantern with face eaten away by squirrels

Photo: Dalai Lina

22. Hey, check me out. This breastfeeding thing is getting a little easier—and I had time to do my hair!

happy breastfeeding pumpkin mom

Photo: Pinterest

23. But my house looks like this. Mat leave was supposed to be all about organizing and batch cooking, right? RIGHT?

24. HAS ANYONE FED THE  F*!$#ING DOG TODAY?!?!?!?

25. What other families look like on Instagram:

26. Meanwhile, you’re trying to get someone (anyone!) to look at the camera.

pumpkin family with funny faces

Photo: Dalai Lina

27. The division of labour is going exactly as planned. We are a great team!

scary pumpkin eating smaller pumpkin

Photo: The Twist

28. Oh look, he’s crawling now. He literally never stops moving. Where the heck is that baby gate?! #fml

29. He starts daycare and you have some time to chill before mat leave ends. NOPE. Now he’s got a new virus every third day. It’s cool to call in sick your first day back to work, right?

30. Those last 12 months weren’t that bad, maybe we should try again? Honey?

tired looking gourd with a limp stem

Photo: shutterstock

31.We’ve totally got this. What could possibly surprise us the second time around?

family of pumpkins with one carved showing two baby pumpkins inside

Photo: Joe Farrier

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